Death to All But Metal:
I love this song. I have been ever since I heard of the band. It perfectly encapsulates everything that is glorious about Steel Panther: Absurd lyrics, outrageous hair, superb guitar chops and liberal tongue bathing of '80s hair metal bands. The verse has the singer shouting hate at all the mainstream acts going around a few years ago with true campy vitriol, interspersed with the occasional high-pitched wail that he can carry off with ease. lines like "Kill those fucking fuckheads" just puts you in the mindset of big, silly tunes designed to plant a massive cheesy grin on even the kvltest of metalhead's faces. Absolute barn-stormer of an opening.
Asian Hooker:
Hmm, Japanese instruments. I guess it's not too far from Chthonic as I thought. But then they start talking about scoring with a geisha. Never fucking mind. I'm not sure if this song is just seriously offensive or something else. If anything, it's not subtle which I was thinking for a really stupid second. I feel that after I spent my whole time listening to Omerta saying that it's dumbed down, I feel like a right hypocrite for saying this is pretty dumb metal, but in a really, REALLY, good way. I guess it's just the way they're so brazen and unashamed of what they're writing about.
Community Property:
This is the other one I know. If you don't know what is "community property", I heartily suggest that you go and hear the song. If I tell you, it will ruin the entire punchline of the song. Yes, this song carries itself on a single gag, but it's delivered so well and with such sincerity that it works just as a comedian's huge four-minute anecdote, with exactly the same effect. Moments such as the really soft, intimate moment at about 2:10 throwing in lines like "I have to fondle my meat" simply can't fail to make me laugh. You may say I have a poor sense of humour. I'll say you think too highly of yourself. By now I've noticed that this album is considerably more difficult to provide commentary as you really have to listen to the lyrics to get the full effect of it. Listening to someone speaking while writing something completely different is no mean feat, but I guess I'll soldier on.
Eyes of a Panther:
I'm hearing a real NWOBHM sound coming through on this, like Iron Maiden if they never sang about WWI. I can tell this is meant to be a super anthemic number as it lacks the bizarre profanities of earlier songs, and we've got the harmonised vocal lines in the chorus. I guess now's a good time to talk about the solos. Satchmo is a mighty fine guitarist, I have to say. He can pull off great sounding riffs and solos, and while they sometimes come off as oh so much wankery, do you really expect Steel Panther of all bands to care about being overly flamboyant? Look at them!
Fat Girl:
I can already tell this is going to be tasteful. Well it's another power ballad at least. I was going to say something about how the guitars sound, but then I heard the singer proudly belt out
"She had boobs like watermelons/ and breath like rotten eggs."
How can I follow that up? What could I say that could do justice to such lyrical genius? Really, I shouldn't be doing commentary on the album, I should scan in the lyrics and write little notes on the side and I won't have to be typing at 100 words a minute just to keep up. You know what? I think I've said everything I can about this album, and I'm not even hlaf way through. I think I'll find you the lyrics and let you read them, then decide if you want to buy this album or not.
Some people may accuse me of being lazy. I'd rather think that it's efficiency.
Fat Girl:
I saw her drinking beer Eatin peanuts by the bar I was pretty desperate and i knew she had a car She said her name was Debbie She was a friend Jenny Craig's She had boobs like water melons and breathe like rotten eggs I know your hungry I can see it in your eyes Cause your looking at me like I'm a side of fries I want to take your chubby ass back to my place And squirt my baby gravy all over your face Yeaaahh!!!
Woooooah woooooah Thar she blows
Woooooah wooooah Thar she blows
Fat girl She everything i wanted and more Fat girl She can't fit through the door woooooah woooooah Thar she blows
I want to prove to you my feelings are for real So I'm going to buy you a million happy meals yeah I won't joke about your body if you only let me in I want to sink my summer sausage into that double chin yeaaaahhhhh
Wooooah wooooah Thar she blows
Wooooah wooooah Thar she blows
Fat girl Is riding my jock again Fat girl is snacking on my cock againnnnnnnn (ouch don't bite)
(Guitar solo)
My friends keep telling me i must be going blind Cause you got cottage cheese all over your behind yeeahhh Even though some people point and laugh at us You can kick their ass because your bigger than a busssssssssssss
Fat girl I can't believe your eating again Fat girl Where does your neck begin
Wooooah wooooah Thar she blows
Fat girl Put my hotdog into your bun Fat girl Your really really tons of fun
Wooooah wooooah Thar she blows
Wooooah wooooah Thar she blows
Your my fat fat girl You know i really love you Cause you my fat fat girl
Woahhh Come here baby where you going (mooooo) Your a cow Come here baby hey I love you I can't live without you I can't live without you Come here Come here
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